Or not

It's coming up to Christmas, that time of year when we think about what we're most grateful for and what we want the new year to bring. Last year, Christmas was tough for me. I was increasingly sure my job wasn't working for me (I was a teacher, have I ever said that?), but I couldn't see a way out of it. I ground on, at the expense of my mental health. Five months ago today, the wheels came off. But as awful as that experience was, it did give me two powerful little words: 'Or not'. You can keep doing what you're doing, or not. You have a choice. It's not the easy option, by any means, but it is an option. So if you're thinking about what 2018 might bring and you feel like your options are limited, remember that five months ago I quit my job in spectacular fashion and I'm now happier than I can remember being for a long time. It hasn't been easy, but I'm me again, and I'd almost forgotten who that was.

So I'm grateful for the wheels coming off this year. And I'm also immensely grateful to the people who supported me through it. I hope you recognise yourselves in what follows. And if I don't know you in real life, I hope you have friends like this, or that you can be one of these people for someone else. That's my resolution for 2018. Pay it forward.

Thank you to the people who literally picked me up off the floor and helped me do the simple things when I was paralysed by the bigger picture.

Thank you to the people who sat with me, who brought me tissues, who took time out of their days to make sure I wasn't alone, to smile. You made me feel safe and I can't thank you enough for that.

Thank you to the people who stuck by me, who saw that this was a scary choice but one I needed to make, and who let me make it without judgement.

Thank you to the people that valued my contribution, and told me so.

Thank you to the people who talked to me positively about what the future might look like. You gave me ideas to dream towards.

And last but never least, even though they won't read this, thank you to my kids, my class, and their parents, for believing in me, for being my reason to get up in the morning, for making me smile, for being the kindest, most caring bunch of kids anyone could have the pleasure to meet. I will always be proud of you and our year together and I often think about you and how you're all doing. Go forth and be yourselves, always.

Miss C